|Feces Flinging Monkey.com||IP · IT · USSC · LGF · RJ · CDS · JL · BP · VP · HH · JG · MR · More...|
Could This Happen Here? To Our Kids?
Friday, September 3, 2004
Of course. We can't lock down every school.
The people who did this are not just "separatists" - they are affiliates of Al Qaeda, working to turn Chenya into a fundimentalist Islamic state. They fought alongside the Taliban in Afghanistan, and they were probably working with Al Qaeda on this very operation - half of the attackers are reported to be Arabs.
This is what our enemies do. And they are planning more just like it, right now.
You're not seeing the hundred or so kids that are already dead.
These images are not exploitive; their emotional impact does not obscure the truth. This is the truth.
The bad guys don't fuck around. Neither should we.
At least 200 dead. Here are some of them:
You Know You Want One
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Get your very own Souvenir Navy SEAL Cap:
Impress the girls, tell tall tales, maybe even win a few votes while you're at it. (Note: This is identical to our Souvenir CIA Guy Cap).
Don't have ten bucks? Just grab a copy of the logo. It's free.
All Over But The Shouting
Monday, August 30, 2004
I'll go way out on a limb and call this one: Bush is going to win this election, and it's not even going to be close.
Why? Four reasons:
1) The Bounce
As I said before, there were two ways to look at the non-existent Kerry bounce after the democrat convention - it's either that nobody gets a bounce this year because the electorate is already polarized, or because Kerry is dead. I said you'd know the answer when the Republican convention is over and the first polls come out.
Have a look at these graphs:
There's going to be a bounce, all right, and Kerry is never going to catch up. Last week was the high water mark of his campaign.
2) The Invisible Secret-Agent Friend
As PoliPundit pointed out, Kerry has not had a serious press interview since the Swiftvet ads came out. He simply can't answer the questions he knows he is going to be asked; this is a crippling problem for him.
He's also lost a good fraction of the military vote - one poll I saw (sorry, lost the link) showed his share of veteran's families dropping from almost 50% to somewhere in the mid thirties.
Lost of Kerry supporters don't care about this Vietnam stuff, but military families do. They wield millions of votes.
3) The Hollow Core
The Anybody-But-Bush people are diehard stalwarts this time around, but the Enthusiastic Kerry Supporters Of American could hold their national convention in a Hotel Six.
When the democrats lose the MTV vote, it's over.
4) The Crucial Basics
Despite the crap the media is selling, the important things are all looking up. The economy is in good shape, and getting better (1 2 3). Iraq has been an astonishing success - never is history has an effort of this scale gone remotely as well, with this little bloodshed and this rapid an advance towards social stability and democratic reform.
This election is all about 9/11, as it should be. Back then, nobody would have looked ahead at these three years and foreseen the decisive rout of the Taliban, the lightning overthrow of Saddam, and our remarkable success in protecting our own people over all this time. We could get hit tomorrow, and hit hard, and we would still have done an incredibly good job.
This matters, because the danger is still out there. I still have a knot in my stomach because I expect our enemies to do something ugly, right now, in the very heart of my country. My concerns are quite realistic and well founded, and I'm sure everybody shares them to some degree.
The guy with the nuance and the invisible secret-agent friend just isn't going to cut it. It's over.
Great Moments In Advertising
Monday, August 23, 2004
One of my proudest achievements in life is that I hold the number-one spot on Google for the word "feces". Every now and again I have to check it, just to make sure it hasn't all slipped away.
Check out the auto-generated ad on the right. It's true, you know:
You can find great shit on Ebay.
Buying Guns The Easy Way
Friday, August 20, 2004
As anybody over the age of six can tell you, the internet is a great place to buy stuff. If you know where to look you can find new stuff at wholesale prices, and hard-to-find used stuff on auction or offered for sale in specialist newsgroups.
You can buy guns this way, too, but there's a catch. Sellers can only ship guns to people who hold federal licenses that identify them as gun dealers, or, in limited cases, as licensed gun collectors. It's not insurmountable of course, but it does make it impossible to just pick up the phone or fire off an email to order what you want. Everything takes days instead of minutes, and the added cost of the dealer's fees can be significant.
I'm one of the lucky ones.
I live just a few miles from one of the best local dealers I've ever done business with, and if you live anywhere near Ithaca, NY, you do, too. James Rolfe at Jim's Guns works hard to make it easy. He already has his license on file with some of the big dealers, which allows you to just phone your order in; you pay for your gun on your own credit card and just ask that they ship it to Jim's place. If you buy something on auction or from a private seller in your favorite newsgroup, just email Jim with the details and he'll send the paperwork right out for you. It's actually easier than having a license yourself (trust me on that one).
The cost? Just $15 for long guns and $20 for most handguns, regardless of price.
I'd only began to appreciate how good I'd had it when Jim had to close up his shop for a year (that National Guard stuff can really eat up your time). All my alternatives were uniformly more expensive and less convenient. I practically stopped buying guns the whole time, and believe me, that's just no way for a man to live.
Now Jim's back, and so am I. Last week I scoured the internet and found exactly the rifle I wanted, purchased it from a total stranger on AR15.com, and had it in my hands for hundreds of dollars less than I could have had it anywhere else.
It's nice - almost too nice - to be able to visit websites like this and this and just order what you want over the phone. Then, if you have any cash left over, just go here, dial in the amount you want to spend, and have at it.
You'll be broke, but happy. And very well armed.
And that's the important thing.
The Swiftvets Take A Hit
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Until now, the only criticisms I've heard against the Swiftvets were ad hominum attacks on their credibility. Nobody had actually addressed the factual basis of their claims.
Finally, we have something real that casts some legitmate doubt on their story. It's a good point, too, and it's worth a closer look.
First, a little background. John Kerry earned both his Bronze Star and third Purple Heart during the incident where he rescued a fallen soldier from the water after a nearby boat had been damaged by an underwater mine. Kerry's version of the story is that he was wounded by the blast of the mine, that the boats ran a three-mile gauntlet of fire on the way home, and most importantly, they were being shot at while the rescue took place. It's important because Kerry's rescue of the man "under fire" is the basis for his decoration. (You ordinarily don't get rewarded for fishing a guy out of the water after he's fallen off your own boat, and in fact, you'd probably face court-martial if you didn't).
The Swiftvets dispute Kerry's version. They point out that Kerry was not hurt by the mine, but had accidentally wounded himself hours earlier; that the boats were not fired on for miles on the way home, and that they were not even under fire at the time of the rescue.
This third point is now in doubt. The surviving witnesses have always disagreed about it, some insisting they were fired upon, others certain that they were not. Now, a document emerges that may help to settle this point.
Larry Thurlow, a Swiftvet and vocal Kerry critic, also earned a Bronze Star that day. Thurlow's citation has surfaced, and it, too, claims that Thurlow was under enemy fire at the time.
[These documents...] contain several references to "enemy small arms and automatic weapons fire" directed at "all units" of the five-boat flotilla. Thurlow won his own Bronze Star that day, and the citation praises him for providing assistance to a damaged Swift boat "despite enemy bullets flying about him."
Thurlow continues to insist that nobody was shooting at him.
I have not seen a link to any of these documents.
There are several ways to interpret this. Kerry supporters will certainly say that this proves Thurlow to be a liar and a fraud, and they we should doubt everything he has said; they are entitled to this view, too, at least with respect to this part of the story. Swiftvet supporters will point out that Thurlow insists didn't write the citation, and that it may have been based upon Kerry's report of the events.
I have read conflicting accounts of Thurlow's actions, but my impression is that he boarded the crippled Swiftboat, rescued a crewman who was trapped under the twin 50s, and led the effort to save the boat from sinking. I mention this because it bears directly on Thurlow's assertion that his award did not depend on the presence of enemy fire. I am no expert here, but I find this assertion credible.
I am less comfortable with the idea that Thurlow did not know his own citation conflicted with his version of events. This does cast doubt on his veracity, and I will be watching this story closely as it develops.
Update: Thurlow responds:
I am convinced that the language used in my citation for a Bronze Star was language taken directly from John Kerry's report which falsely described the action on the Bay Hap River as action that saw small arms fire and automatic weapons fire from both banks of the river.
[...] I submitted no paperwork for a medal nor did I file an after action report describing the incident. To my knowledge, John Kerry was the only officer who filed a report describing his version of the incidents that occurred on the river that day.
I believed then as I believe now that I received my Bronze Star for my efforts to rescue the injured crewmen from swift boat number three and to conduct damage control to prevent that boat from sinking. [...]
Kerry campaign spokespersons have conflicting accounts of this incident-the latest one being that Kerry's boat did leave but only briefly and returned under withering enemy fire to rescue Mr. Rassmann. However, none of the other boats on the river that day reported enemy fire nor was anyone wounded by small arms action. The only damage on that day was done to boat three-a result of the underwater mine. None of the other swift boats received damage from enemy gunfire.
The Final Straw
Thursday, Auguest 12, 2004
I'd been convinced all along (correctly, as it turns out) that Kerry did not spend Christmas in Cambodia like he'd said. However, I've been willing to keep an open mind about the rest of it, acknowledging the possibility that Kerry might have actually gone into Cambodia with a CIA operative at another time. All the evidence suggests that this it was quite unlikely, but possible. Maybe the only exaggeration here was the date, and that's not the end of the world.
Now we find out that the Kerry campaign is reporting - get this - that yes, Kerry did go into Cambodia, but this time he was with the Navy Seals. Seals, CIA guys, what's the difference, right?
He's lying. There is no fucking way that story holds up. Every cheap-ass military fraud in the world has a story about the time he went on a secret mission with the Navy Seals.
Kerry is the worst sort of poseur. He's been caught dead to rights, and he's still lying about it, right now. I bet he still has that fucking hat with him, too.
I'm no vet, but I'm confident that military people won't look kindly on this sort of thing. They can smell a guy like this a mile off.
Veterans, and their families, are going to judge him very harshly for this, and rightly so. This election is close enough that these folks will make a decisive difference.
Up until now, John Kerry was just a man who was second-best for the job. Now, he's a slimeball. I hope he gets crucified for this.
Kerry Admits Swifties Were Right
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Anybody remember this?
Turns out they were right. Kerry did lie, repeatedly, about spending Christmas in Camboida. The Kerry campaign now admits it, on the record:
JOHNSON: John Kerry has said on the record that he had a mistaken recollection earlier. He talked about a combat situation on Christmas Eve 1968 which at one point he said occurred in Cambodia. He has since corrected the recorded to say it was some place on a river near Cambodia and he is certain that at some point subsequent to that he was in Cambodia. My understanding is that he is not certain about that date.
[Note: The word "near" in this case means fifty-eight miles away!]
I'd like to be clear; I am using the words "lie" and "repeatedly" very carefully. In each case, his presence in Cambodia - not near it - was the central point of the story. See for yourself:
It gets better.
The story about his imaginary secret agent friend who gave him his lucky hat is still in play. Kerry has never said when his secret missions actually occured, but he has now specified that it was after Christmas '68. That's important, because that places him on Swift Boat 94, with the guys who claim that he never went to Cambodia at all.
Two of his five crewmates won't discuss it.
The remaining three say he's lying.
His entire surviving chain of command says he's lying.
The only guy saying that John Kerry went to Cambodia is John Kerry, and we've already caught him lying about it once.
Why not tell us when it happened? Why won't he release his records and clear the whole thing up?
I think we all know the answer to that question.
The Story Gets Worse
Tuesday, Aygust 10, 2004
About a year ago, The Washington Post ran a very favorable piece on Kerry, then campaigning for the nomination. It ends with this:
A close associate hints: There's a secret compartment in Kerry's briefcase. He carries the black attache everywhere. Asked about it on several occasions, Kerry brushed it aside. Finally, trapped in an interview, he exhaled and clicked open his case.
Kerry put on the hat, pulling the brim over his forehead. His blue button-down shirt and tie clashed with the camouflage. He pointed his finger and raised his thumb, creating an imaginary gun. He looked silly, yet suddenly his campaign message was clear: Citizen-soldier. Linking patriotism to public service. It wasn't complex after all; it was Kerry.
Here's the kicker - Kerry was only there for four months, and most of his shipmates say he was never in Cambodia at all:
If it turns out that Kerry was never in Cambodia at all, he is in very serious trouble. Carrying around a good luck hat from an imaginary secret-agent friend would just be too much.
Seriously, this is the kind of thing that can finish him.
Too Big To Ignore
Sunday, August 8, 2004
[Note: The links were bad, sorry. All fixed now]
I haven't said much about Kerry in Vietnam, because, quite frankly, it was thirty fucking years ago and I don't really care. It's what he says and does now that matters most to me.
That changed this morning.
Kerry claims that he spent Christmas 1968 in Cambodia, getting shot at while the president was "telling the American people that I was not there". This is "memory which is seared -- seared -- in me" and helped form his "deep mistrust of U.S. government pronouncements". He even told this story on the floor of the United States Senate.
It turns out that Kerry wasn't there. He made the whole story up!
The proof is right here, plain as day. I just don't see any way to spin something like this. It's reprehensible.
I could let it go if he's only told these stories in private conversation, or if it was just a matter of exaggerating his experience, but this clearly crosses the line into outright fraud. A man who publicly lies about a combat experience that never happened and tells you how it changed his whole life is lower than whale shit.
As recently as July 7, 2004, Michael Kranish of the Boston Globe repeated Kerry's Christmas in Cambodia story on FOX News Channel's Hannity & Colmes, indicating that it was a critical turning point in Kerry's life. Kranish had no knowledge, even after his extensive study of Kerry, that he was simply repeating a total fabrication by Kerry.
It's worse than offensive. It's pathetic.
Maybe he can somehow prove he really was there... if he can, I'll not only apologize publicly and profusely, I'll even vote for him myself out of sheer contrition. But somehow, I don't think that's going to happen.
He also lied about his medals.
Kerry filed a false report to get his first purple heart. This wound, literally a scratch, was accidentally self-inflicted. Nobody was shooting at him. His commanding officer never approved the award.
Kerry also lied to get his third purple heart and his bronze star. He claimed that he pulled a man out of the water while under fire, and that we was wounded while doing it. He's repeated this story throughout the campaign.
It turns out that Kerry injured himself, hours earlier, by carelessly blowing up a bin full of rice. Nobody was shooting at him during the rescue. This explains why particles of rice - not particles of an enemy underwater mine - were removed from his wound. It also explains the entry in his own diary describing how he really got hurt that day.
Kerry's only contribution that day was to pick up one of several men that had been knocked into the water.
— Correction —
According to American History Magazine, a second sailor, Larry Thurlow, was also awarded a bronze star for this action. I would very much like to see Thurlow's commendation and see if it described enemy fire at that time.
I did find Thurlow's comments on CNN:
"I received no fire. But the thing I would like to ask is, we have five boats now, John's returning, and four boats basically dead in the water, working on the 3-boat (ph). If we were receiving fire off the bank, how come not one single boat received one bullet hole, nobody was hit, no sign of any rounds hitting the water while I was in it?"
Update: Here are the relevant details (see the original for supporting documentation):
Attached as Exhibit 15 is Kerry's account of "no man left behind" where, in Tour of Duty, Kerry repeats his now-familiar story of returning, wounded by an underwater mine, to recover a Special Forces soldier, Jim Rassman, in a hail of fire pulling Rassman from the water with his bleeding arm.
[...] Kerry reported his shrapnel wounds to the Navy in an injury report: "LTJG Kerry suffered shrapnel wounds in his left buttocks and contusions on his right forearm when a mine detonated close aboard PCF-94."
[...] The problem is that his operating report was a total lie since Kerry's shrapnel wound "in the buttocks" came not from a mine at all as he falsely reported, but at his own hand. Larry Thurlow, an officer on shore with Kerry that day, recounts that Kerry's shrapnel wound came not from any mine, but from a self-inflicted wound when Kerry (with no enemy to be seen) threw a concussion grenade into a rice pile and stayed too close. [...]
Most surprisingly, John Kerry himself (while falsely reporting to the Navy and public that he suffered a shrapnel wound from a mine explosion so as to get a third Purple Heart and go home) reflected in his own journal that his buttocks' wound came, not from any mine but, rather, from a grenade tossed into a rice cache by himself or friendly troops (in the absence of any enemy fire). "I got a piece of small grenade in my ass from one of the rice bin explosions." Exhibit 15, Tour, at 313; see also Exhibit 15, Tour, at 317. "Kerry . . . also had the bits of shrapnel and rice extracted from his backside." See also the sworn statement of participants that there was no hostile fire (Exhibits 6, 7, and 10). It also should be noted that the rice extracted from Kerry's backside could hardly be the result of an underwater mine, as Kerry claimed in his operating report.
[...] As recounted in the affidavits of Van Odell (Exhibit 6), Jack Chenoweth (Exhibit 7), and Larry Thurlow (Exhibit 10) (and verified by every other officer present and many others), a mine went off under PCF 3 -- some yards from Kerry's boat. The force of the explosion disabled PCF 3 and knocked several sailors, dazed, into the water. All boats, except one, closed to rescue the sailors and defend the disabled boat. [The one boat that did not remain] -- Kerry's boat -- fled the scene. After a short period, it was evident to all on the scene that there was no additional hostile fire. Thurlow began the daring rescue of disabled PCF 3, while Chenoweth began to pluck dazed survivors of PCF 3 from the water. Midway through the process, after it was apparent that there was no hostile fire, Kerry finally returned, picking up Rassman who was only a few yards from Chenoweth's boat which was also going to pick Rassman up. Each of the affiants (and many other Swiftees on the scene that day) are certain that Kerry has wholly lied about the incident.
Kerry's account of this action, which was used to secure the Bronze Star and a third Purple Heart, is an extraordinary example of fraud. Kerry describes "boats rcd heavy A/W and S/A from both banks. Fire continued for about 5000 meters." Exhibit 17. In other words, the boats went through a double gauntlet at about 50 yards distance that was 3.2 miles long (comparable to Seminary Ridge at Gettysburg on two sides), and yet none of the other boats within feet of Kerry's boat heard a shot or suffered an injury after the PCF 3 mine explosion, except for John Kerry's buttocks rice wound of earlier origin.
On February 28, 1969, John Kerry received his first Purple Heart for an incident three months earlier, on or about December 2, 1968. [...] Unmentioned in Kerry's Tour Of Duty version are the actual surrounding facts. Kerry, Lieutenant William Schachte, USN, and an enlisted man were on the whaler. Seeing movement from an unknown source, the sailors opened fire on the movement. There was no hostile fire. When Kerry's rifle jammed, he picked up an M-79 grenade launcher and fired a grenade at a nearby object. This sprayed the boat with shrapnel from Kerry's own grenade, a tiny piece of which embedded in Kerry's arm.
Kerry managed to keep the tiny fragment embedded until he saw Dr. Louis Letson. Dr. Letson's affidavit is attached as Exhibit 5. When Letson inquired why Kerry was there, Kerry said that he had been wounded by hostile fire. The accompanying crewmen indicated that Kerry was the new "JFK" and that he had actually wounded himself with an M-79. Letson removed the tiny fragment with tweezers and placed a band aid over the tiny scratch. The tiny fragment removed by Letson appeared to be an M-79 fragment, as described by the personnel accompanying Kerry.
The next morning Kerry showed up at Division Commander Grant Hibbard's office. Hibbard had already spoken to Schachte and conducted an investigation. Hibbard's affidavit is attached as Exhibit 11. Hibbard's investigation revealed that Kerry's "rose thorn" scratch had been self-inflicted in the absence of hostile fire. Hibbard, therefore, booted Kerry out of his office and denied the Purple Heart.
Some three months later, cf. Exhibit 22, after all personnel actually familiar with the events of December 2, 1969 had left Vietnam, Kerry somehow managed to obtain a Purple Heart for the December 2, 1968 event from an officer with no connection to Coastal Division 14 or knowledge of the December 2, 1968 event or of Commander Hibbard's prior turn down of the Purple Heart request. All normal documentation supporting a Purple Heart is missing. There is absolutely no casualty report (i.e., spot report) or hostile fire report or after-action report in the Navy's files to support this "Purple Heart" because there was no casualty, hostile fire, or action on which to report. The sole document relied upon by Kerry is a record showing the band aid and tweezers treatment by Dr. Letson recorded by deceased corpsman, Jess Carreon.
There are no witnesses who claim to have seen hostile fire -- necessary for a Purple Heart (even a rose thorn Purple Heart) -- that day. At least three witnesses, Dr. Letson (who spoke to the participants and removed the M-79 fragment), Lt. Bill Schachte (on the boat), and Cmdr. Grant Hibbard (whose investigation revealed Kerry's application for a Purple Heart to be fraudulent), are able to testify directly or based upon contemporaneous investigation that Kerry's first Purple Heart was a fraud. Thus, Lewis Letson's statement that "I know John Kerry is lying about a first Purple Heart" is conclusively established by the evidence.
Credit Where Credit Is Due
"Luck" said the admiral, "can be attributed to a well-conceived plan carried out by a well-trained and indoctrinated task group."
New York City saw more than its share of luck this week.
For five days, this city was the prime target of every international terrorist organization on the planet; besieged by protesters and anarchists, her police forces were responsible for the safety of millions.
They pulled it off beautifully.
The Democrat convention and the Olympics enjoyed a similar success. That success was nothing but the hard work of many, many thousands of people who took on a job I would not have touched with a twenty-foot pole.
I'm honestly surprised we made it through all of this without a single incident. That's just outstanding.
Congratulations, guys. You did a damn fine job.
Shot Right Through The Head
I just love it when a stupid, manipulative line of argument gets killed by a single well-placed shot.
Too rich to be middle class? Call your doctor! You've got the "plague"!
Quote Of The Day
The Corner, on the Republican Convention:
Fellow gun nuts will recognise the name Martin Fackler - he's the guy who wrote the book on wound ballistics.
How much of a wound do you suppose he inflicited with this? (It might explain some of that blood there in the water...)
Incredible account from a Chernobyl survivor about the day the reactor blew up:
[...] we walked outside. What we saw was terrifying. Everything that could be destroyed had been... From where I stood I could see a huge beam of projected light flooding up into infinity from the reactor. It was like a laser light, caused by the ionisation of the air. It was light-bluish, and it was very beautiful. I watched it for several seconds. If I'd stood there for just a few minutes I would probably have died on the spot because of gamma rays and neutrons and everything else that was spewing out. But Tregub yanked me around the corner to get me out the way. He was older and more experienced.
QR Codes, Anyone?
This is a QR code, sort of a like a barcode on steroids:
This one says "FecesFlingingMonkey.com".
Apparently, if you were a typical Japanese teenager, you'd point your cameraphone at this thing, and it would decode it for you, and you would consider that to be all the rage.
You can make your own here.
Crypto Geeks Take Note
SHA-1 might have met it's match. That'd be big news if it's true.
A good point was raised on this Slashdot thread - most password schemes which use SHA-1 would be screwed.
Many passwords are stored as hashes, which are (necessarally) visible. If I can find another password that generates the same hash, I can log in with it...
I should have said that unsalted hashes would be vulnerable... but even salted hashes would probably be less secure, because they'd be protected only by the obscurity of the salt.
Thought You Had A Bad Day?
Kerry Camp Hides Jan69 File
What a coincidence.
Just days after the "Christmas In Cambodia" story began to pick up steam, John Kerry's Spot Reports for January '69 disappear from his offical web site. The Spot Reports for Feburary and March remain.
Update: This explains it
The Spot Reports for January described actions involving swift boat PCF-94 before Kerry came aboard. Would have been nice if they explained what he *was* doing then...
The Game Begins
According to this guy, Carl Cameron of FOX just confronted the Kerry campaign about the "Christmas in Cambodia" story:
Initially, they denied that Kerry had ever said he was in Cambodia. So Carl presented them with the Senate Record and the Boston Globe article where he most unambiguously did so. They said they would have to get back to him on this one, but stick to their story that he was near Cambodia, but not actually in Cambodia.
Well, that makes perfect sense then. Clearly, what Kerry meant to say was
"I remember being fifty-eight miles outside Cambodia, and feeling really, really bad because I wasn't supposed to be in Cambodia. And to have the president of the United States tell the American people that I was not in Cambodia! I have that memory which is seared - seared in me."
Really now, John, you're going to have to do a bit better than that...
Update: See the video! Click here, and then click on the "Campaign Carl" text on the right-hand side (about half-way down).
About Damn Time, Too
It only took a frigging year...
A reporter is being held in contempt of court and faces possible jail time, and another was earlier threatened by a federal judge with the same fate, after they refused to answer questions from a special prosecutor investigating whether administration officials illegally disclosed the name of a covert CIA officer last year.
Repeat after me: reporters have no special rights, no more than you or I do. Every now and again, they need to be reminded of that.
Y'know, Clancy, this could be just the evidence we need to bust this case wide open!
Quote Of The Day
From the 9/11 Report:
I Hope This Dosen't Suck
...and of course it won't. After all, it's promised to piss off Michael Moore, so how bad could it be?